Epic Magazine

Everything outside is shiny with headlights and leftover rain.  It’s been a while since I’ve had to actually walk away, get in my car and turn the key. I keep faking to protect my dignity.  They say that you have to remove all of the poison, but I’m in the poison. I’m swimming in it; I’m drowning in it. I try to remove myself from it, but It is hard to go anywhere when you’re going nowhere. I keep driving, past places that I know from my dreams. Maybe I should just let the beats stop. Stop choking sounds out. Stop trying to kick-start my heart.  It seems that I’m always trapped inside a bigger machine, when my whole life, all that I’ve ever wanted is to be free. It seems a simple dream. I’m not a simple girl. I’m chained to a car, to a house, to a cell phone. It doesn’t ring and I throw it under the seat. I pull over and try not to look like a formula. I’m stabbing my eyes with pens, but the sunlight takes that job over for me. I’m squinting in the razor-sharp sunlight as solitude drives by in the summer. It tries not to stare at me from the other lane and all I can think about is poison. I’m poisoned from your lips, and I’m poisoned from the sun, and I’m poisoned from your words. I must have done something wrong, because wrong is all that it ever is. Despite all of this wrongness, I’m very concerned with being right. The pressure in my head keeps building. I know that pressure makes diamonds, but I don’t feel so precious, and I’ve never seen a diamond explode.

By Super Nikki Dee.