Epic Magazine

ronbabcock:

“Hi…

How are you..

I’m fine…

Good to see you… 

Later…”

It’s not that hard. Practice it in the mirror and if you can’t get it right, then you don’t get to go out. You can’t all be Michael Cera.

I’m not talking about people who have severe agorophia, I’m talking about people who have decided to make being awkward their “thing.” You know, the type of people where every conversation with them includes a “Sorry, I’m awkward.” No you’re not awkward, you’re just not interesting. Real awkward people don’t do that because they’re too busy standing in the corner ashamed of their body odor and the fact that they forget how to multiply integers. Real awkward people hate attention. No one at the party ever says, “Oh hey look at that guy who just walked in and how normal he is!” They only do that to the awkward people. Constantly mentioning how caaaa-razy awkward you are is just a backwards way of getting attention, the exact thing that a real awkward person despises.

Sometimes a group of people really do just want to talk about nice hotels in Southern California without having the quirkiest ball of quirk in all of quirk forest come barging in with a “Sorrrrrry, I’m awkward.”

Next time someone goes “Sorry I’m awkward”, I’m going to start rubbing my dick against their leg and go, “Me too! I’m sooo awkward.” I realize that me shout-typing this probably isn’t going to help any awkward people reading it, but it’s the only way I know how to communicate.

Did I just make things awkward? Oh sorrrry.

Ron Babcock will run for President and you will vote for him because of things like this. Mark my words.