Epic Magazine

theweekmagazine:

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) says he won’t OK aid money for Missouri tornado victims unless Democrats agree to an equal amount of spending cuts.

Photo: REUTERS/Ed Zurga

That’s pretty fucking heartless. 

While the song in question (2002’s ‘Thy Unveiling’) may have been released almost 8 years ago, the Insane Clown Posse have confirmed in a recent interview with the Guardian newspaper that they are devout evangelical Christians and that the entire Juggalo brand has been a ruse to get more young people to turn to God. Insane Clown Posse and their fanbase have over the years been linked with many, many acts of violence including murder and - somewhat more appealingly - the throwing of human feces at Myspace figurehead Tila Tequila. While this may not be news to those who follow the band closely, those who are only familiar with the Insane Clown Posse through their recent spate of headline making publicity stunts may find the news shocking that - yes indeedy - ICP are evangelical Christians. ICP control a large fanbase and this summer hit the headlines twice with the aforementioned throwing of poop at Tila Tequila during the 20,000+ attended 11th Annual Gathering Of The Juggalos, and the public posing of questions relating to simple science.

Madera, CA Planned Parenthood Firebombed To Protest Abortion; Actually Ends Up Killing Babies.

A Double-P was firebombed by Pro-Life activists from the Hitler-y named “American Nationalist Brotherhood”. Why? Because they are fucking idiots who think that someone shouldn’t make their own personal decision. Anyway, the ProLifers actually ended up killing babies because as any person who, you know, cares - would know, the Planned Parenthood also provides a wide array of services for prospective parents: prenatal care, counseling, and free visits all to ensure the PLANNED PARENTHOOD (it’s in the fucking name, people!) of aforementioned babies. They also provide abortions. It’s sort of like bombing a Quizno’s because you don’t like lettuce.

So, now the affected babies are five times more likely to die because they may not get the prenatal support that Planned Parenthood offers.

NOW who’s killing babies?

Eddie Vedder got married to his model girlfriend.

17 years after 1993. C’mon, Eddie. There’s a window for this kind of thing.

Old Man Lou Reed Makes Old Woman Susan Boyle Cry!
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Old people are just getting worse and worse. First, they practically corner the ‘motorized scooter’ market. Secondly, they don’t die. Thirdly, they make eachother cry.

Veteran rocker Lou ‘I Peaked With Street Hassle’ Reed reportedly denied sort-of veteran singer Susan ‘The Human Meme’ Boyle the right to sing his song “Perfect Day” on the “show” America’s Got Talent. Why? Because he was in Velvet Underground, man, and that still means something in this world even if you are a curmudgeonly old man who in many, many reports is a total, total asshole to his fans, the press, the poor, and babies.

But the story doesn’t end there. This act of bastardry caused Susan to cry at an airport! Shhhyeah! I know! He made an old lady cry!

Lou, if you’re going to let one of the guys from long-forgotten broband Fun Lovin’ Criminals cover your song, you might as well let an old lady with a (much) better voice (albiet, no Skooby Snacks) sing it. It’s a song. It’s not naked pictures of Whoopi Goldberg. The world can accept it.